如何与外国室友和谐相处是美国留学一个逃避不了的问题!

如何与国外室友和谐相处?明明你都睡觉了他还在听歌说笑!明明你有存在感他却还可以忽视你!为了控制住自己“感谢室友不杀之恩”,来看看该怎么相处?外国的小伙伴又是怎么说?


如何与外国室友和谐相处?

关于request to be roommates

美国好多大学都是支持学生在申请宿舍的时候这样做的,你可以选择和上学之前就认识的好朋友当室友. 不得不说和之前认识的中国同学申请做室友绝对不是一个bad option,我甚至后来也后悔过当时没这么做。

但我知道有好多朋友都特别想体验一下和美国同学当室友的感觉,觉得这样既新鲜,又更容易了解一个新的文化.。我不说这是too young too simple,但如果你选择这么做的话,请一定要做好心理准备。

因为你可以算一下,如果你让学校随机分配室友的话,你室友和你性格和睦、生活作息规律和你一样、爱好兴趣相投、个性你还特喜欢,这些条件都满足的概率是多少呢?一般的大U一届都几千人,你自己算吧。所以如果你选择去接受这样一个挑战,请做好心理准备,并且做好以下几个tips。

他那么做是不是故意的?

你睡觉的时候,你室友半夜回来,还在放音乐

你睡着了,他带好几个朋友进来有说有笑,还TM吃披萨

你学习的时候,他一定要打电话么?

有时候你真的怀疑他是不是故意让你不舒服的,请永远记住:不是。

因为作为室友的话,没人会没事闲的浪费这种能量和经历。美国学生从小的成长经历让他们很多人都比较自我,可能好多中国同学刚来的时候真的很不适应,觉得他非常不忍让、不懂得考虑别人的感受。但美国同学逻辑不是这样的,他们会想:你既然没抱怨、没跟我说不能这样做,就说明你很comfortable with it。

所以千万不要因为他们不能让你容忍的行为而义愤填膺、甚至去采取报复手段。这真的是文化的不同,不要因为不了解就去judge室友的品行,导致说话像吃了枪药、关系僵化...


他做了让你十分不爽的事情?

比如你觉得室友带着“异性朋友”回来留宿,你学习的时候从来都不考虑要安静...

记住,要微笑...一定要像聊天一样去抱怨...千万千万不要发火。你也千万不要想着一时忍忍算了,因为如果室友习惯了那么不considerate,他有可能会觉得这是应该的,因为你一直没抱怨过。

你一定要提出来,他有什么事让你不满了...你如果对他吵着发牢骚,他不会take you serious的...他甚至可能会觉得你只是考试没考好、心情不好,找找茬,不是理智的交谈,所以不会从内心接受你的抱怨。一定要礼貌、理智的说,而不是吵...

你可以自己想一下,有人跟你抱怨你所做的啥事,若果他跟你吵的话,你会听他的么?就算为了面子,也想吵回去,甚至有揍他一顿的冲动吧...如果他和颜悦色地跟你说呢,你会好意思不听么?他也一样...要好好说,让他不好意思不听你的,这也他也会更尊重和佩服你的理智,而不是让魔鬼一样的冲动彻底毁掉你的个人形象...

室友or朋友?

室友一定是你的好朋友吗?可以告诉你,对大多数人来说,没这么幸运。也许他只是someone who happens to share a room with you。所以不要对他的expectation太高. 但college里好多事不是只有两个极端的,不是好朋友,就一定要互不相容么,肯定不至于。

如果你没那么幸运,室友恰好不是你朋友那type的,那就努力和他做一个关系很不错的acquitance吧。平时没什么可聊的,说说天气总行吧...就算你俩不是一个major的,说说你这周作业多不多,下周有木有考试啥的总行吧...文化不一样,跟他说说中国啥样总行吧...有点好吃的,和他分享分享,他会好意思不让你用他冰箱么?他甚至下回还会和你分享吧...

当然如果你够幸运,和室友就是朋友(我周围有美国同学就做到了,但说实话并不常见...)那你就等着大家羡慕吧,别大一结束分别得时候痛哭流涕互不舍得。

Conclusion words

反正事情就是这样,和一个和你性格、文化、背景十分不一样的人能成功相处一年(当然里面有点磕磕碰碰是一定的),你会很佩服自己的,这是及有成就感的,可能和CS作业所有test cases pass的成就感相当吧...当然request to be roommates的同学可能就体验不到这种经历带来的成就感了。

说实话,就留学生的经历,怎么也没想到我现在能和室友关系还不错,我们俩真是曾经对对方mean到极致,甚至吵到要对方搬走的程度. 这一切只是在他过生日的时候,我送了他一个不到5美元的礼物的时候结束的,但他很开心,现在还天天用我送他的那个杯子...一句话总结:要对他好,好到不好意思反驳你的抱怨,好到不好意思不和你分享他的好吃的...大家大学生活要给力呀!!

下面奉上美国人写的室友相处之道,美式思维更直接!

1Be clear from the beginning.

Do you know in advance that you hate it when someone hits the snooze button fifteen times every morning? That you're a neat freak? That you need ten minutes to yourself before talking to anyone after you wake up? Let your roommate know as soon as you can about your little quirks and preferences. It's not fair to expect him or her to pick up on them right away, and communicating what you need is one of the best ways to eliminate problems before they become problems.


2Address things when they're little.

Is your roommate always forgetting her stuff for the shower, and taking yours? Are your clothes being borrowed faster than you can wash them? Addressing things that bug you while they're still little can help your roommate be aware of something she may not otherwise know. And addressing little things is much easier than addressing them after they've become big.

3Respect your roommate's stuff.

This may seem simple, but it's probably one of the biggest reasons why roommates experience conflict. Don't think he'll mind if you borrow his cleats for a quick soccer game? For all you know, you just stepped over an uncrossable line. Don't borrow, use, or take anything without getting permission first.

4Be careful of who you bring into your room -- and how often.

You may love having your study group into your room. But your roommate may not. Be mindful of how often you bring people over. If your roommate studies best in the quiet, and you study best in a group, can you alternate who hits the library and who gets the room?

5Lock the door and windows.

This may seem like it has nothing to do with roommate relationships, but how would you feel if your roommate's laptop got stolen during the ten seconds it took you to run down the hall? Or vice versa?

6Be friendly, without expecting to be best friends.

Don't go into your roommate relationship thinking that you are going to be best friends for the time you're at school. It may happen, but expecting it sets both of you up for trouble. You should be friendly with your roommate but also make sure you have your own social circles.

7Be open to new things.

Your roommate may be from someplace you've never heard of. They may have a religion or lifestyle that is completely different from your own. Be open to new ideas and experiences, especially as it to relates to what your roommate brings into your life. That's why you went to college in the first place, right?!

8Be open to change.

You should expect to learn and grown and change during your time at school. And the same should happen to your roommate, if all goes well. As the semester progresses, realize things will change for both of you. Be comfortable addressing things that unexpectedly come up, setting new rules, and being flexible to your changing environment.

9Address things when they're big.

You may not have been totally honest with tip #2. Or you may suddenly find yourself with a roommate who goes wild after being shy and quiet the first two months. Either way, if something gets to be a big problem quickly,deal with it as soon as you can.

10If nothing else, follow the Golden Rule.

Treat your roommate like you'd like to be treated. No matter what your relationship is at the end of the year, you can take comfort knowing you acted like an adult and treated your roommate with respect.

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